My first visit with the dominatrix

Her name is LaToya. She is a personal trainer at the gym I have been going to. She is an evil evil woman.

I should have heeded the warning yesterday and just hidden in the garage over by the water heater. It would have served me well. "Sure," I said, "I'll do a free workout with a trainer." No stupider words have I ever spoken. I might as well have said, "Why certainly, I'll let somebody direct me while I abuse my body in ways that I cannot imagine."

The synopsis: I hurt. Not that bad yet, because my flaccid muscles still all feel like uncooked bacon. I imagine tomorrow morning will be very interesting as I attempt to drag my flab-tacular body out of the bed.

I think I'd rather pay a lady in leather knee boots and a vinyl bustier to whip my ass with a riding crop than go through this again. At least I could just lay there and howl as the end of the crop smacks me. Plus the pain would be localized to my ass, not muscles I didn't realize I had and or needed. Also, it might be a bit more fun - not being the fat guy laying on the mat doing crunches and looking like I'm trying to dry-hump the sky.

Ok, it's over. The love affair with the gym that is. I'm not doing the trainer thing again - unless the lottery comes in, and I think one has to buy tickets or some such nonsense to win. I'm still going to the gym, I actually look forward to the one by the house opening up - but I'm going to focus myself on what I want to do, and push myself a lot harder. I guess that I now know how high the bar needs to be and I need to push myself to it on a regular basis. Now, if I could get a trainer to wear knee-boots, and a vinyl bustier, I'd probably find the money to pay for a few sessions. You betcha I would.

Not that it really matters

I feel guilty for semi-abandoning my blog. Not really sure why I do, but nevertheless...

I've been reading The Art of Deception by Kevin Mitnick. Before I really broke into Information Security as a profession, and had realized that all of us are more or less gray hat hackers - I had no respect for Kevin.

Since then, I've read about him, and articles by him, and the way that the feds treated him was beyond horrible. At least in his book, so far, I'm impressed that he is trying to make things "right" and help teach how to avoid social engineering. The principles will be helpful for me in setting up an infosec awareness program.

I'm still here...

Just not able to post. Will try when I have a work break today. (Nearly typed "dork break" accidently. ) That would have been odd.

I rite real good.

I wanna write a book. I was writing a post earlier, and realized about 3 paragraphs in that it would make a fine short story. (I'm still holding the post in draft mode.)

I'm not sure how I was to approach it - maybe I should just start writing and posting on here - allowing comments to help me steer the story. That might be fun and very interesting. Perhaps it would work out so well that I would fulfill the elementary school psychologist who told my mom that I would end up as a writer when I got older. I know mom scoffed.

I have co-written a published magazine article on an Information Security product, and I've been writing a lot of policy related stuff lately. Maybe if I can just get some keyboard time, I could really rock something out.

TV Show recommendations

From time to time, I like to drop my meek-shields and express my opinions on things that are critical and life changing.

You are hereby commanded forthwith to become addicted to watching the following TV shows:

Heroes (NBC)
Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi)
Doctor Who (BBC via Sci-Fi)
Mythbusters (Discovery)

That is all.

A Clockwork Geek

Vidi this me bloogs... what would my day be like if I affected a fake British accent, and kept the ruse up ALL DAY LONG? I'd probably get pounded by the REAL British guy I've been working with this week. Actually, he's British but grew up in Norway. Interesting accent on him - and somebody here picked it up almost immediately. The other consultant is from Italy, and looks a bit like Dr. Drew from TV fame. It's fun going to lunch with the guys. They have varied backgrounds and are both very interesting.

I remember a few (ok, many) years ago, camping on the beach, and having so many various types of adult beverages and being in such a state that I talked like an Aussie for an entire night. I also recall the next morning... a grey, bleak morning where the winds had gone up to about 60mph, and the tent was sideways, and there were two VERY hung-over - and probably still very drunk individuals that had to break camp and attempt to return home.

One of us (My friend Wayne) ended up at the ER for a tetanus shot - stepped on a crab, and I ended up with a 2 day hangover. I recall waking up with my dad trying to convince me to go camping.

I threw the tent in the garbage can that day. Not sure I've ever really been back to the beach either for more than just a stroll.

Is there life out there?

Is there anybody OUT there? Is my blog an internal rambling that is just put down in electrons to float about in the ether with only me to view and tend it? Well, this will just be considered a test post. This is only a test. In the event of a real blog entry, you would be given salient information on some interesting topic. This was only a test. We now return you to your original blogging content.

I am a geezer

It's not even 11pm, and I'm laying in bed, blogging that I'm so fracking tired... I feel like I'm 40 or something. OH MY GOD!!! I'm nearly 40. Where are the anti-depressants!?!?!?!?

(Note the prodigious use of the term "fracking." Can you tell I love BSG?)

Ouch

I just read a post on Tech Republic titled "10 ways to be a blogging failure." I fear that I am failing in a few of the categories - mainly the one where it recommends you post every day. I have failed to keep up for a few days due to a swarm of activity in my hive, but I promise you, dear reader if there are any, that I will do better.

Here is a link to the article: http://articles.techrepublic.com.com/5100-10881_11-6124285.html

I'm definitely not using this blog for a personal vendetta, or at least maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking that it's not... interesting. Looks like I'm slipping into personal introspection and self-analysis. Wonder if I can get a co-pay for that.

I wonder if anybody actually DOES read this blog? I wonder why anybody would read this blog. I don't know that *I* would actually read it. Wow, am I that boring? Yeah, I suppose that I am.

I do know one thing for sure: If I'm going to be posting here, I'm going to need to get an ergo keyboard! Guess I know what I'm doing for lunch. I'm going to exercise an excuse to go purchase a technology item. YAY!!! More geek stuff!!

If you DO read this, drop me an email to distractedgeek (at) gmail.com PLEASE. Don't force me to work!!!

Self Delusion

Sometimes, on the way to work I will try to set my mind into a certain 'track.' Today, it was "Smooth and Fast" - but that related more to my driving than my work style. Not really sure how I'd apply a "Smooth and Fast" mindset at work anyway.

I learned to do these self-affirmations not from a self-help book, or a pshrink, or a yogi, or any kind of personal mentor. I learned it from Scott Adams. Scott Adams who created and writes / draws "Dilbert."

Adams has some great thoughts in his regular books - you know, the ones without cartoons? Besides the self-affirmations, I learned of the OA5 work ethic. OA5=Out At Five. Unless the world is on fire, there is no reason to LIVE at work. So many people do it... but not me. Not any more.

Back to the self-delusional aspect of the self-affirmations. If I were to do one say, convincing my brain of something illogical - it's just a delusion. "I am the greatest blogger on the planet" comes to mind. So what's to make something so simple as "I will produce 10% more widgets than I did yesterday" be an effective mantra?

I think I'm going to start trying to convince myself that I've found a lottery ticket worth $34 million dollars. Let's start there and see what happens. If I'm successful, I'll buy all of my friends a car.

Moo

That was supposed to be 'mood' but I like 'moo' also. It can stay.

Don't want to turn this into an online diary... there are good days and bad days, this was somewhere in between - bordering on bad.

I've somehow become an app developer. YIKES! At least it's only Access that I'm working in, but I'm actually considering learning Ruby. Man, they must be putting something in the water at work.

Not much witty commentary tonight. Wish I could keep up with John Dvorak, but damn, he posts 6 or 7 times daily and Scott Adams usually at least 1 or 2 times per day. They are much funnier than me too... but wait, I still have my master plan to fall back upon...

Shoes

Ok, this morning I was on the expressway (read: the skybridge between buildings) at the head of the line, trying to prevent to budget analyst looking guy from passing me carrying his vente latte, and it hit me. I was in front of a lady who was wearing those shoes. You know the ones... they go "pock pock pock pock pock" as she walks down the hall. *shudder*

I have a fantasy where I get out the Super Teflon-Infused Floor Wax (New Non-yellowing Forumla) and wax the hallway out in front of my doorway. The scene goes like this:

Shoe lady gets off the elevator - straightening her pant-suit so she looks very professional.
Shoe lady begins walking down the corridor towards the skybridge.
"Pock pock pock" go her heels.
"Whoaaaaaa!! goes the Shoe Lady.
"Wheeeeek" goes the Shoe Lady's heel on the freshly waxed floor.
"WHUMP!" goes the Shoe Lady's keister as it hits the slippery (but so shiny and non-yellow) floor.
"Squeak" goes my dry-erase marker as I add another line to the tally board.

I'd do it, but I don't think I can smuggle a floor buffer up here to work in a WalMart bag. (My geek briefcase / lunchbag.)

Muhahaha

They're all gone. Should I go hide their tape dispenser? :) I bet they have more...

Must Control FIST OF DEATH!

Ok, from the outset, I have to make an admission - a mea culpa of sorts. Not that I actually have anything to do with it - it's just a big part of who I AM.

Anyway, to cut to the point - I have adult ADD. And today, my first day of blogging - whatever that ACTUALLY means, I'm really really suffering from it.

I think that the most recent change to my life - my new job - is a big part of why I'm so afflicted lately. Things are still so new that I haven't really settled into a routine. All of this makes me feel a bit like Raymond. (See Rain-Man if you don't get the reference.) I had to start getting up early - hey, before noon to me is early, and my current feeble attempt is for 5:30am M-F... so I feel like I'm supposed to be out in the garage rounding up the rods & reels to go drown some worms. Crap! Who actually LIKES to get up at the time I'm used to going to bed if my natural body clock is allowed to run rough-shod over my life.

I also have a new environment to adapt to, and I could really use a self-imposed cone of silence. My fantasy is to install a clear skylight over the top of my 7 by 7 cubicle and seal the doorway. I'm just worried that I'd die from lack of oxygen, or sweat would destroy my lovely $4 Dell keyboard. Maybe I can get a window unit - like you see on the back of redneck RV's and cut a hole in the wall to vent the heat. Heh.

I like my co-workers. I like them a lot. They are an interesting bunch - all very nice and good people to work with. Across the 2" divider from our group resides a community of contractors. They perform our desk support functions, and OH MY GOD are they LOUD people. My favorite other than the droll conversations about shipping parts back to Dell or complaining about users that don't want to let you work on their PC because they are - get this - BUSY, is the liberal use of a tape dispenser (the big kind for sealing boxes or taping a hostage to a folding chair). In a previous lifetime, I must have been tortured by somebody with a fetish for packing tape, or worked as a UPS person, because the sound "SKRRRRRRICCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" of the tape coming off that roll makes me feel like somebody is performing a nerve biopsy on my spine. It happens all the time. Lucky for them, I don't have any stun grenades. (Wait... No, none in the bottom drawer.)

This weekend I fell on my ass at a kid's birthday party, and I feel like Raphael Septian (Old-school kicker for the Cowboys - hey, I'm not a football fan, and he's the only kicker I can remember) punted my tailbone. PAIN when I sit down. PAIN when I get up off the chair. Searing pain, such as I would expect of a ruptured disc... So, that, in addition to the tape is contributing to my distraction.

So here I am. A geek. A distracted geek at that. And now I'm late going to lunch. :) Oh well. It's just time.

Maybe I can find my jetstream, and start cruising. Once I do, I'll be productive, successful, and will achieve things that nobody has imagined. Until then, I'm jamming my earbuds into the aural canals, and cranking up the Sansa. (No ipod for this boy) Evanescence, Beethoven and Barenaked Ladies can drown out my external world. I wonder if Beethoven wrote so beautifully because he couldn't hear? Interesting. Ok, now, onward.