Hey, this thing works!

I can blog from my cell phone now!!! Dang, now I can post when I'm in the crapper! COOL.

Tis the season, part II

Bah Humbug! What the hell does that even fracking mean?

To the immediate left, you will see me if I were on Southpark... except my hair is a bit longer, and I'm not wearing a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt... I wish I was, but I'm actually looking quite corporate today with a wine colored long sleeve button down oxford. I look very Biff. Can't wait to go home and throw on generic t-shirt #12 and go to the gym, if I can... but as you are about to find out, I may not be able to break away from the domicile.

Family coming in from out of town today... in a few hours. I think all 3 of us are sick to some degree - I've mostly fixed my back, but I'm still feeling the effects. It wasn't my neck after all. After 3 nights of pretty much not sleeping, I rolled up a towel, put it on the floor and threw myself on it, relieving about 89.3% of the pain - for that night. It's slowly slipping back in - but mainly as a form of numbness in my fingers and hands - and slight pain in my arm. Should be fun - I wonder how sick Grandma will be at the end of her visit?

On the work front, I'm nearly finished up with my Access controls matrix that I've been working on. I'm actually doing mapping with it - live in Dev, and making usability changes as I go along. Man, I feel like a real programmer or something - doing dev on prod and vice versa. Woohoo! I R s0 L33t dOODz!

One of my friends lost her mom yesterday, and it brought back to my mind the way I felt when my dad died back in 2002... I guess I'm more insulated from it - but it just reminds me to live life to the max if I can - and grab any opportunities to do fun stuff.

Well, back to reality. It was nice to come up for a bit of air, but now, the salt mine is calling again.

Other things throbbing... and not in a good way

Well, I didn't go take that test. If anything, the class made me realize that I should study on my own. I may attempt it in January.

One thing the week did give me: a pinched nerve, or a blown out disk in my upper back or neck. I have pain and electric shocks shooting down my right arm, and there is no way to get comfortable to fall asleep. Once I manage to get to sleep, it's ok...

Today wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it's still pretty terrible. I don't think I've ever had this much pain ever before in my life. I know for sure I haven't had this type of pain for this long.

My brain throbs with anticipation

I'm heading off today - well not actually heading OFF, more like heading over - since it's local - to begin a 6 day class that will prep me for taking the much vaunted CISSP examination. (That's the Certified Information Systems Security Professional for any n00bs.)

I've been wanting this class for a long time, and finally, I'm getting to take it. YAY! I have some old co-workers that are in the class as well, so I think we may hook up to study in the off-hours. I'm thinking that taking the exam is probably equivalent to getting one's CPA... I plan on taking the test on Sunday - if the cards all fall right, and then I can add some letters to my title. Yay!!!

Sad note

James Kim, a gadget editor from CNET, and formerly of TechTV was found dead yesterday. His family had become stranded in an outlying area of Oregon, and there has been a massive search for them - after dropping out of sight for over a week. James' wife Kati and their 2 little girls were found alive on Monday, but James struck out to seek help - apparently on Friday or Saturday after being stranded for a week in the snow.

Searchers found James yesterday. He traveled 8 miles through treacherous terrain - but had circled back and was within a mile of the disabled vehicle he left.

I really enjoyed watching James on The Screensavers on TechTV, and reading his articles and reviews on CNET.

Rest in peace James. You will be missed.

For more information - visit this site.

Tis the season...

But I can't find that box of grenades I bought last year to get ready for the season. I think it would be a lot of fun to drop one in the bell ringer's bucket - might make them stop ringing that damn bell for a few minutes.

I got the tree up, lit, decorated, but nothing is under it at this point, save for the cat when she's trying to be stealthy. The bushes out front are properly adorned with small multi-colored twinkling lights, which are oh-so impressive to me that I spent a whole 10 minutes draping them. I think it took longer to figure out the wiring diagram.

There's a good reason I don't put lights on the house proper: I would kill myself on a ladder, but additionally, I don't have the time to pull off all of the planning I'd need to do. Last night, I realized that to do it properly I would have to get an electrician to install outlets under the eaves of the house at the corners... And then I'd have to have some way to control the lights using wi-fi or something like that. I MUST HAVE COMPUTER CONTROL OF ALL CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!! Hell, to turn the bush lights on and off, you have to unplug it from the wall outlet by the door. It makes me feel like a troglodyte...

I can see myself spending a few thousand dollars lighting the house. I simply cannot let myself be sucked into something like that. I guess I have an addictive personality when it comes to tech.

Infrequent post

Wow... it's been 2 weeks since I posted. I'm a bad blogger.

Been cleaning the house - getting ready for the holidays and the impending arrival of relatives. Haven't put up the tree yet, but I did go to Hallmark and get my yearly airplane ornament. WOOHOO!

Did the first shopping of the season yesterday - hit Toys R Us, and got some stuff for the rug-rat - which I hope he'll like and play with for more than an hour...

Things I like

Scott Adams posted today a blog entry titled "Small Pleasures." In keeping with a positive vibe, I'll see if I can't come up with a few things that I like.

Finding a book that I wasn't expecting - from one of my favorite authors... and finding a favorite character on the first page.

Finishing a really good book. I close it, and then go back and look at the liner notes, and then if I can make myself do it, do a little ceremony where I place it into a slot in the bookcase. *reminder - shelve the books I have all over the place.*

The taste of the first bite of a piece of cheesecake that has been sitting on the table next to me for the duration of a meal. It HAS to be savored.

Opening the closet and finding clean clothes for work - without having to dig in the dryer. Bonus points if they aren't in need of ironing.

The feeling of satisfaction I get after hard lawn work - and putting all of the tools away - especially if there is a nice breeze, and it's not too hot.

Going through the images on my camera's memory card, and finding a singular *wow* image. It doesn't happen often enough. That's why I'm not a pro.

Having my cat rub against my leg. (usually when I'm in the kitchen, making lunch)

Making my wife laugh really hard. Doesn't happen enough - I'm not a comedian, but when it does, I feel good.

Watching my son realize something I said was funny - and seeing the smile appear across his face.

When my son says "I love you" and I haven't done something like give him a piece of cake.

Fist of Death, Redux

The assault on my ears is incredible. I had to walk out of the office, being sure to slam my headphones down as I got up out of my chair, and tell one of my co-workers that I simply can't take any more of the LOUD NOISE from the other side of the cubicle equator. I was going for a walk, and not sure if I'd return.

I went to the skywalk, looked outside to see what was going on - then did a quick 180 towards the elevator. One of the guys in another department must have seen "the look" on my face, and he started laughing at me. I asked him what was funny - he said "What's going on?" I replied that the suite mates were driving me batty - then he told me that he used to be officed in the same suite, and it was just as bad then. AHA. It's not me. I asked him what he did to survive it - and he said "Exactly what you're doing right now. I had to take a lot of walks." We got on the elevator, and he asked me what floor - and I said "I don't really care. Whatever." He thought that was hilarious.

I did my sabbatical - walking out around the grounds for about 10 minutes, then returned to about the same atmosphere. Still a party going on over there - and the omnipresent tape dispenser was used to excess. (At least that loud FedEx guy hasn't been back in the past hour.)

Earlier in the day I asked the boss about moving to a different part of the building - even though I'd be away from my team, and he said "Something is in the works..." I hope something happens soon. I may have to bring my snake rake to work.

Real man

Last night, my woman came in the house, commenting that a snake had taken up residence in the driveway, on the way to her gas guzzling SUV. I had just mowed the lawn, so I thought I'd disturbed a teeny little grass snake, so I armed myself with a flashlight, to go out and shoosh it along it's merry way.

About 12 seconds later, I was in the house, trying to figure out how to deal with a diamond back rattlesnake. This denizen of danger was threatening my life. Where's the 20 gauge shotgun, well folks, it's about 103 years old, so it's not getting fired. Plus I don't have any shells for it. A 9mm isn't much good against a snake, so I went back outside to consider my options.

I looked down, and found a clay pot with a dead flower in it... I picked it up and lobbed it -- directly onto the snakes head. PERFECT SHOT!!! I'd done it! I'd made it a non-snake! Yay me!!!

About 15 minutes later, I worked up my nerve to move the carcass after watching it... so I grabbed a big rake - not the leaf variant, the heavy metal, moving rocks and gravel variant. I started pushing the dirt, clay and snake, and guess what happened? The little bastard starts making a beeline towards the grass.

With a great big "UHNGGG!" I flipped the rake over and brought it down on top of the snake, killing it a second time. This time, it was definitely worse for wear. There was snake juice on the ground. Ewww.

Again, I considered my options. What could I do? Cut it up with a hoe? Use a shovel? I didn't really want to get close to it. VIOLA! I looked into the garage, and saw the perfect weapon - a 2003 Mercury Marauder.

I grabbed my keys, filed a flight plan for HEB, and rolled slowly out of the garage, straddling the demonic slithery thing. I straighted the car, and ran over the snake 3 times. I'm SURE it's a non-entity now. A former snake. It's passed on...

I went and did my shopping, and returned to a flat snake, and I showed a neighbor and promptly flung it into a vacant lot. Let that be a lesson to all snakes. Stay away.

Of course it was all of about 14" long... but hey, the only good snake is a dead snake.

Pffbbbt

After a financial debacle last month, I'm on financial time-out this month. Minimal spending outside of my bills and necessities. Poop.

Can't get my bling on... This morning on the way to work, I was thinking about how nice it would be to have an 80-200mm f2.8 lens for my camera. Oh, how nice indeed. Do I need it? Hell no. Do I want it? Hell yes.

On another front - my butt doesn't hurt quite as bad anymore. (Coccyx injury - tailbone bruise.) I guess it was just time - and trying to minimize my "down" time sitting.

I really can't wait for the gym by the house to open up. My plan is to spend at least 5 hours there per week, maybe more if I get obsessive about it.

At work, I've been hacking away at some Access database apps I'm building for InfoSec compliance. I'm just pleased as hell that I don't have to deal with Sarbanes Oxley.

That is all. Please return to what you were doing.

It's back...

The spinal biopsy packing tape that is... multiple times today, that hideous weapon has been used against my mind. I have gone through 2 batteries in my Sansa MP3 player today - and I REALLY HOPE the 3rd doesn't give up the ghost before work ends. 58 minutes isn't too much to ask Mr. Energizer, is it? PLEASE!

Tomorrow is a day off for me. I'm going to take the fam on a trip to see Thomas The Tank Engine. I Should Really Start Capitalizing All Of My Words. Kewl. That's L337. Don't want to be PwNeD at work. :-O

The powers that be, the big cheese, the big Kahunas that run this joint saw fit to give everybody 8 hours of leave to use during the holiday season. I must say, that's mighty civilized of them. The last agencies I worked for wouldn't ever do that for the folks.

Hopefully tomorrow will be fun, and I'll shoot a few hundred photos. Need to take the cam away from my eye from time-to-time to see what's going on around me though.

My first visit with the dominatrix

Her name is LaToya. She is a personal trainer at the gym I have been going to. She is an evil evil woman.

I should have heeded the warning yesterday and just hidden in the garage over by the water heater. It would have served me well. "Sure," I said, "I'll do a free workout with a trainer." No stupider words have I ever spoken. I might as well have said, "Why certainly, I'll let somebody direct me while I abuse my body in ways that I cannot imagine."

The synopsis: I hurt. Not that bad yet, because my flaccid muscles still all feel like uncooked bacon. I imagine tomorrow morning will be very interesting as I attempt to drag my flab-tacular body out of the bed.

I think I'd rather pay a lady in leather knee boots and a vinyl bustier to whip my ass with a riding crop than go through this again. At least I could just lay there and howl as the end of the crop smacks me. Plus the pain would be localized to my ass, not muscles I didn't realize I had and or needed. Also, it might be a bit more fun - not being the fat guy laying on the mat doing crunches and looking like I'm trying to dry-hump the sky.

Ok, it's over. The love affair with the gym that is. I'm not doing the trainer thing again - unless the lottery comes in, and I think one has to buy tickets or some such nonsense to win. I'm still going to the gym, I actually look forward to the one by the house opening up - but I'm going to focus myself on what I want to do, and push myself a lot harder. I guess that I now know how high the bar needs to be and I need to push myself to it on a regular basis. Now, if I could get a trainer to wear knee-boots, and a vinyl bustier, I'd probably find the money to pay for a few sessions. You betcha I would.

Not that it really matters

I feel guilty for semi-abandoning my blog. Not really sure why I do, but nevertheless...

I've been reading The Art of Deception by Kevin Mitnick. Before I really broke into Information Security as a profession, and had realized that all of us are more or less gray hat hackers - I had no respect for Kevin.

Since then, I've read about him, and articles by him, and the way that the feds treated him was beyond horrible. At least in his book, so far, I'm impressed that he is trying to make things "right" and help teach how to avoid social engineering. The principles will be helpful for me in setting up an infosec awareness program.

I'm still here...

Just not able to post. Will try when I have a work break today. (Nearly typed "dork break" accidently. ) That would have been odd.

I rite real good.

I wanna write a book. I was writing a post earlier, and realized about 3 paragraphs in that it would make a fine short story. (I'm still holding the post in draft mode.)

I'm not sure how I was to approach it - maybe I should just start writing and posting on here - allowing comments to help me steer the story. That might be fun and very interesting. Perhaps it would work out so well that I would fulfill the elementary school psychologist who told my mom that I would end up as a writer when I got older. I know mom scoffed.

I have co-written a published magazine article on an Information Security product, and I've been writing a lot of policy related stuff lately. Maybe if I can just get some keyboard time, I could really rock something out.

TV Show recommendations

From time to time, I like to drop my meek-shields and express my opinions on things that are critical and life changing.

You are hereby commanded forthwith to become addicted to watching the following TV shows:

Heroes (NBC)
Battlestar Galactica (Sci-Fi)
Doctor Who (BBC via Sci-Fi)
Mythbusters (Discovery)

That is all.

A Clockwork Geek

Vidi this me bloogs... what would my day be like if I affected a fake British accent, and kept the ruse up ALL DAY LONG? I'd probably get pounded by the REAL British guy I've been working with this week. Actually, he's British but grew up in Norway. Interesting accent on him - and somebody here picked it up almost immediately. The other consultant is from Italy, and looks a bit like Dr. Drew from TV fame. It's fun going to lunch with the guys. They have varied backgrounds and are both very interesting.

I remember a few (ok, many) years ago, camping on the beach, and having so many various types of adult beverages and being in such a state that I talked like an Aussie for an entire night. I also recall the next morning... a grey, bleak morning where the winds had gone up to about 60mph, and the tent was sideways, and there were two VERY hung-over - and probably still very drunk individuals that had to break camp and attempt to return home.

One of us (My friend Wayne) ended up at the ER for a tetanus shot - stepped on a crab, and I ended up with a 2 day hangover. I recall waking up with my dad trying to convince me to go camping.

I threw the tent in the garbage can that day. Not sure I've ever really been back to the beach either for more than just a stroll.

Is there life out there?

Is there anybody OUT there? Is my blog an internal rambling that is just put down in electrons to float about in the ether with only me to view and tend it? Well, this will just be considered a test post. This is only a test. In the event of a real blog entry, you would be given salient information on some interesting topic. This was only a test. We now return you to your original blogging content.

I am a geezer

It's not even 11pm, and I'm laying in bed, blogging that I'm so fracking tired... I feel like I'm 40 or something. OH MY GOD!!! I'm nearly 40. Where are the anti-depressants!?!?!?!?

(Note the prodigious use of the term "fracking." Can you tell I love BSG?)

Ouch

I just read a post on Tech Republic titled "10 ways to be a blogging failure." I fear that I am failing in a few of the categories - mainly the one where it recommends you post every day. I have failed to keep up for a few days due to a swarm of activity in my hive, but I promise you, dear reader if there are any, that I will do better.

Here is a link to the article: http://articles.techrepublic.com.com/5100-10881_11-6124285.html

I'm definitely not using this blog for a personal vendetta, or at least maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking that it's not... interesting. Looks like I'm slipping into personal introspection and self-analysis. Wonder if I can get a co-pay for that.

I wonder if anybody actually DOES read this blog? I wonder why anybody would read this blog. I don't know that *I* would actually read it. Wow, am I that boring? Yeah, I suppose that I am.

I do know one thing for sure: If I'm going to be posting here, I'm going to need to get an ergo keyboard! Guess I know what I'm doing for lunch. I'm going to exercise an excuse to go purchase a technology item. YAY!!! More geek stuff!!

If you DO read this, drop me an email to distractedgeek (at) gmail.com PLEASE. Don't force me to work!!!

Self Delusion

Sometimes, on the way to work I will try to set my mind into a certain 'track.' Today, it was "Smooth and Fast" - but that related more to my driving than my work style. Not really sure how I'd apply a "Smooth and Fast" mindset at work anyway.

I learned to do these self-affirmations not from a self-help book, or a pshrink, or a yogi, or any kind of personal mentor. I learned it from Scott Adams. Scott Adams who created and writes / draws "Dilbert."

Adams has some great thoughts in his regular books - you know, the ones without cartoons? Besides the self-affirmations, I learned of the OA5 work ethic. OA5=Out At Five. Unless the world is on fire, there is no reason to LIVE at work. So many people do it... but not me. Not any more.

Back to the self-delusional aspect of the self-affirmations. If I were to do one say, convincing my brain of something illogical - it's just a delusion. "I am the greatest blogger on the planet" comes to mind. So what's to make something so simple as "I will produce 10% more widgets than I did yesterday" be an effective mantra?

I think I'm going to start trying to convince myself that I've found a lottery ticket worth $34 million dollars. Let's start there and see what happens. If I'm successful, I'll buy all of my friends a car.

Moo

That was supposed to be 'mood' but I like 'moo' also. It can stay.

Don't want to turn this into an online diary... there are good days and bad days, this was somewhere in between - bordering on bad.

I've somehow become an app developer. YIKES! At least it's only Access that I'm working in, but I'm actually considering learning Ruby. Man, they must be putting something in the water at work.

Not much witty commentary tonight. Wish I could keep up with John Dvorak, but damn, he posts 6 or 7 times daily and Scott Adams usually at least 1 or 2 times per day. They are much funnier than me too... but wait, I still have my master plan to fall back upon...

Shoes

Ok, this morning I was on the expressway (read: the skybridge between buildings) at the head of the line, trying to prevent to budget analyst looking guy from passing me carrying his vente latte, and it hit me. I was in front of a lady who was wearing those shoes. You know the ones... they go "pock pock pock pock pock" as she walks down the hall. *shudder*

I have a fantasy where I get out the Super Teflon-Infused Floor Wax (New Non-yellowing Forumla) and wax the hallway out in front of my doorway. The scene goes like this:

Shoe lady gets off the elevator - straightening her pant-suit so she looks very professional.
Shoe lady begins walking down the corridor towards the skybridge.
"Pock pock pock" go her heels.
"Whoaaaaaa!! goes the Shoe Lady.
"Wheeeeek" goes the Shoe Lady's heel on the freshly waxed floor.
"WHUMP!" goes the Shoe Lady's keister as it hits the slippery (but so shiny and non-yellow) floor.
"Squeak" goes my dry-erase marker as I add another line to the tally board.

I'd do it, but I don't think I can smuggle a floor buffer up here to work in a WalMart bag. (My geek briefcase / lunchbag.)

Muhahaha

They're all gone. Should I go hide their tape dispenser? :) I bet they have more...

Must Control FIST OF DEATH!

Ok, from the outset, I have to make an admission - a mea culpa of sorts. Not that I actually have anything to do with it - it's just a big part of who I AM.

Anyway, to cut to the point - I have adult ADD. And today, my first day of blogging - whatever that ACTUALLY means, I'm really really suffering from it.

I think that the most recent change to my life - my new job - is a big part of why I'm so afflicted lately. Things are still so new that I haven't really settled into a routine. All of this makes me feel a bit like Raymond. (See Rain-Man if you don't get the reference.) I had to start getting up early - hey, before noon to me is early, and my current feeble attempt is for 5:30am M-F... so I feel like I'm supposed to be out in the garage rounding up the rods & reels to go drown some worms. Crap! Who actually LIKES to get up at the time I'm used to going to bed if my natural body clock is allowed to run rough-shod over my life.

I also have a new environment to adapt to, and I could really use a self-imposed cone of silence. My fantasy is to install a clear skylight over the top of my 7 by 7 cubicle and seal the doorway. I'm just worried that I'd die from lack of oxygen, or sweat would destroy my lovely $4 Dell keyboard. Maybe I can get a window unit - like you see on the back of redneck RV's and cut a hole in the wall to vent the heat. Heh.

I like my co-workers. I like them a lot. They are an interesting bunch - all very nice and good people to work with. Across the 2" divider from our group resides a community of contractors. They perform our desk support functions, and OH MY GOD are they LOUD people. My favorite other than the droll conversations about shipping parts back to Dell or complaining about users that don't want to let you work on their PC because they are - get this - BUSY, is the liberal use of a tape dispenser (the big kind for sealing boxes or taping a hostage to a folding chair). In a previous lifetime, I must have been tortured by somebody with a fetish for packing tape, or worked as a UPS person, because the sound "SKRRRRRRICCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" of the tape coming off that roll makes me feel like somebody is performing a nerve biopsy on my spine. It happens all the time. Lucky for them, I don't have any stun grenades. (Wait... No, none in the bottom drawer.)

This weekend I fell on my ass at a kid's birthday party, and I feel like Raphael Septian (Old-school kicker for the Cowboys - hey, I'm not a football fan, and he's the only kicker I can remember) punted my tailbone. PAIN when I sit down. PAIN when I get up off the chair. Searing pain, such as I would expect of a ruptured disc... So, that, in addition to the tape is contributing to my distraction.

So here I am. A geek. A distracted geek at that. And now I'm late going to lunch. :) Oh well. It's just time.

Maybe I can find my jetstream, and start cruising. Once I do, I'll be productive, successful, and will achieve things that nobody has imagined. Until then, I'm jamming my earbuds into the aural canals, and cranking up the Sansa. (No ipod for this boy) Evanescence, Beethoven and Barenaked Ladies can drown out my external world. I wonder if Beethoven wrote so beautifully because he couldn't hear? Interesting. Ok, now, onward.